am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
