My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
