apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
