Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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