Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Randomize
