That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize