Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
