I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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