How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i love accidental penises.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize