Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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