toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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