in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
