she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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