Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
