Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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