So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
