You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
