i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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