Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
