Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
