I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
