He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize