I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
