i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
