Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
