Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize