So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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