I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
