It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
