why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
