i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize