JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
