i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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