we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Randomize
