Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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