Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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