I feel like abortions should bother me more
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
