none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
