Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize