I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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