So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
