all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
