is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
