ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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