Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
