Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
