if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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