Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize