I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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