Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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