so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
