I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
