It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
