I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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