I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I don't think brook has ever known best
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
