Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
