Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
