You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
