So drunk its hurt
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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