The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
