I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
