make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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