he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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