in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
