my mouth tastes like poor choices
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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