I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
