Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
