its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
