Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
