SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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